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How to talk about sex
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How to talk about sex.
Talking about sex with a partner.
It’s been almost 20 years since Salt-N-Pepa released a song encouraging us to do it—and yet, a lot of us still find it difficult to talk about sex with our partner.
And that can be because of several reasons. Talking about sex—and the issues you’re having—can be awkward, and it’s often hard to know when to bring it up in conversation. You might feel embarrassed about issues like sexual dysfunction, shy about bringing up a fantasy, or uneasy about expressing a boundary. But expressing your needs and desires is crucial for you to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life; communication is key.
The first step to communicating your more intimate needs is developing an awareness of what exactly your needs are. You can’t tell your partner what you’re into if you haven’t spent some time thinking about what that might be. Once you do have a good idea about what you want to communicate, having these discussions can do wonders for your relationship.
How to talk about sex in a new relationship versus a long-term relationship
In a way, talking about sex https://gifacefuck.com/ in a new relationship can feel easier than bringing it up in a long-term relationship: When you’re starting from scratch, you can share boundaries, fantasies, preferences, and any other need-to-know info right at the outset (aka, before you have sex). That doesn’t mean you have to offload all your desires at once—the more you become intimate with someone, the more you can share and explore together.
Talking about sex in a long-term relationship can feel awkward if you’re bringing it up because of a concern (maybe you feel like your sex life needs to be turned up a notch, or you’re concerned the flame has fizzled out), but it doesn’t have to be. Be honest with your partner; if you allow any concerns or wants to go un-communicated, you’ll only set yourself up for further dissatisfaction. In the interest of keeping the home fires burning, here’s how to talk about sex.
Avoid the ambush.
First things first, don’t try to talk about sex while you’re in bed, or while you’re having it (unless, of course, it’s sexy pillow talk). Pick a time and location—say, over coffee or while you’re walking the dog—when the stakes aren’t as high. It’s also a good idea to avoid surprising your partner with the conversation. Instead, mention that you’d like to discuss it and suggest when might be a good opportunity to do so.
Try not to come to the conversation armed with a laundry list of all the concerns you have about your sex life. Limit it to one issue per conversation so that you can address it thoroughly yet compassionately and your partner doesn’t feel overwhelmed. For instance, if your main concern is that your sex life has grown stagnant, consider suggesting that you make more time for intimacy, rather than jumping ahead and listing different fantasies you might want to explore. Take things one step at a time, and communicate with your partner as you progress.
Start with the basics.
Not sure where to begin the conversation? Start by discussing the basics of sex—when you like to do it, where you like to do it, what turns you on, who initiates—and go from there.
And if you still need to ease into things, swiping right can help—but not in the way you think. The app XConfessions allows you each to swipe through various sexual fantasies that you’d like to try. If you both swipe right on the same one, www.32acp.com you’ll know that you’re ready to get down to business.
Use “we” and “I” statements.
It’s communication 101: Using “I” statements will always help you get your point across in a way that’s most considerate to the person you’re speaking to, https://institutobolsa.com/blog/index.php?entryid=165044 while “you” statements tend to add a sense of blame. When you open up about your needs and desires, you’ll also make your partner more comfortable so that they can express what they want, too. “We” statements can also be helpful when you’re navigating more tricky situations—like if you’re feeling like your sex life has taken a downturn. You can voice these concerns by saying something along the lines of, “I’d love for us to try something new/make time for intimacy/find new ways to meet our desire.” Putting the emphasis on “we” makes it clear that your partner’s desires and needs are just as important to you as your own.
Make suggestions, not complaints
(and don’t expect them to be mind readers).
Ever hear of a compliment sandwich? The same principle works when it comes to sex. Tell your partner something they do well, then suggest how they can enhance that by doing something a little differently. Often it’s just a case of them not knowing what you like, so try to be as open as possible about your wants and needs and encourage them to do the same. This is a tactic that you can even use while you’re being intimate (surprise: dirty talk can improve your sex life and your communication with your partner). When your partner does something you’re really into, give them positive feedback. Telling them exactly what you want them to do to you at the moment can also be a turn-on for some.
Schedule a date.
Once you’ve talked it out with your partner, it’s time to put words into action. Scheduling sex is perfectly normal, so you can plan a time to get intimate when you’ll have few distractions. This makes intimacy feel more deliberate—not something that just happens by chance—which can give you and your partner both more agency to explore what it means to you. Don’t be afraid to talk about your desires before you get into bed—it can even be a great conversation to get you both in the mood.
Set your boundaries
Saying no to sex and expressing firm boundaries can feel stressful, but it’s critical to put these needs. Be firm and direct, and know that you don’t owe someone an explanation for why you don’t want to have sex or try something—”no” is a complete sentence, and if your partner isn’t willing to respect that, then they’re not respectful of you. You can feel free to suggest other things you’re okay with, or if you might prefer making out, watching TV, or simply hanging out instead. A good partner will appreciate that you communicated your needs.
Condom access through the ages.
A brief history from contraband contraceptives to casual sex.
Maybe you’ve restocked your condom stash from the supply of single-use prophylactics on display outside your RAs dorm room. Maybe you grab a handful of rubbers from a bin every time you visit your favored local dive bar. Perhaps you’ve had the same box of Trojans in your sock drawer since puberty. In any case, no matter your methods of prophylactic procurement, it’s no secret that condoms are widely available across the country—and often, they’re even free .
That wasn’t always the case though. In the 18th century, the idea that you might reach an arm blindly in any direction and land on a complimentary condom was all but ludicrous. So, how did casually distributed contraception come to be? And despite our current near unlimited access, why are we using them less than ever?
Contraband Contraception
You may be surprised to learn that contraception was around long before the 20th century. In fact, throughout the latter half of the 1800s, condoms were pretty widely available. You could find them in pharmacies, doctor’s offices, https://yds-online.com/spotlight/discuss/index.php/community/profile/milagrosmargare even mail-order catalogs. But in 1873, all that changed with the passage of the Comstock Act—a decree that made it illegal to send any article “for the prevention of conception” through the mail (for ethical reasons). Soon after, contraception became far more difficult to locate—and deeply stigmatized to sell. So naturally, the business moved underground. Entrepreneurs like Julius Schmid built condom “start-ups” vending rubbers of all kinds in coy packaging calling them things like sheaths, skins, or “rubber goods for gents” rather than tools for preventing pregnancy. And while they couldn’t legally advertise , they were still doing substantial business under the table.
‘Bring our boys home.’
By the time World War I was underway, the health hazards of unprotected sex https://cumshotsgif.com/ had become obvious: Circa 1917, nearly 380,000 American soldiers had been diagnosed with some form of VD (costing the U.S. more than $50 million in treatment)—which gave way to a full-on epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases. Fortunately, that gave the government cause to start treating contraceptives like legitimate healthcare essentials: In 1927, the military’s senior medical officers started promoting condom distribution and educational programs for members of the army and navy. Free of charge, condoms were dispatched amongst military men—and as a result, there was a notable decline in STIs—which made the American military among the first major U.S. organizations to support the normalization of condom usage (at the time, the Catholic church was not pleased. Actually, they’re still not pleased).
A 1936 Ruling
In 1932, American birth control activist Margaret Sanger arranged for the first official U.S. shipment of diaphragms from Japan, which U.S. customs wouldn’t allow. Fortunately, that gave way to a 1936 ruling from the federal appeals court claiming that the federal government could not interfere with any doctor’s right to provide contraception to their patients. And by 1938, over 300 birth control clinics were providing contraception (condoms included) to women who couldn’t afford it, free of charge.
Condoms behind bars
In 1937, by the time World War II had arrived, to fight venereal disease, the FDA instituted national standards for condom testing—which both helped to legitimize the industry and allowed for quality control amongst condom producers. And for soldiers, that meant sets of three condoms sold for ten cents at “pro stations” placed around army bases.
If you consult military travel guides from the war, alongside famous attractions and churches, you’ll find a guide to “Pro Stations,” each marched with a little devil.
That said, even with new sanctions, for those not at war, the taboo around condoms remained. Rubbers were stigmatized –– which meant vendors didn’t want to put them on display. So instead, at bars and pharmacies, you’d find funny little countertop display cases designed to hold condoms –– complete with bars, or *modesty doors* to ” protect women and children from the scandalous condom tins inside. ”
Condom as the most popular form of contraception
Here’s the good news: Even while condoms weren’t kosher socially, business was still booming. On the commercial side, sales were doing just fine: From 1955 to 1965, 42% of Americans of reproductive age relied on condoms for birth control, and prophylactic production doubled between 1939 and 1946.
The AIDS Crisis
When the AIDS crisis struck —the New York Times first reported that the disease could be sexually transmitted in 1981. In turn, the surgeon general proposed a push for greater condom promotion programs, but Reagan (among many others) opposed, claiming we ought to still preach abstinence—a decree that was dripping with homophobia.
Condoms go mainstream
Fortunately, though, condom companies across the country were still advertising in mainstream media. They were mailing informational pamphlets to young Americans. And around that time, condoms were newly for sale at all kinds of commonplace retailers: supermarkets, Wal-Marts, concert venues.
STD & HIV rates go down
In 2003, ONE began releasing their individually wrapped, round-packaged condoms—and in cities and states across the country, various initiatives were launched to increase access. HIV/AIDS rates had lowered dramatically since the early ‘90s, and local health care systems were finding that the costs of free condom distribution were far smaller than those of the health care bills for folks who contracted the virus. There was no hard and fast rule at play—and https://elearning.ims-schulungen.de still, condom distribution varies geographically—but in major coastal cities, especially New York City and San Francisco, it became entirely commonplace to find gratis condoms in any major social venue.
Present tense prophylactics
In recent years, while public discourse around sex has certainly skyrocketed, condom sales have not. In fact, from 2007 to 2017, condom use among U.S. high school students fell from 62 percent to 54 percent, according to the CDC. The CDC also reported that, in 2017, there were 200,000 more diagnoses of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis than the previous year. And according to a 2019 survey conducted by Cosmopolitan and non-profit, Power to Decide , 60% of respondents admitted they rarely or never use a condom—and 50% said they’d never (EVER) used one. Now, it would seem obvious that this is the result of more readily available methods of birth control. The prevalence of IUDs, hormonal patches, and “the pill” quells fears of unwanted pregnancy—and it would seem that that particular safety net makes it easy to indulge in coitus sans contraception (without all the guilt). But the numbers don’t lie: Whether or not we’re seeing a rise in unwanted pregnancy, we are being flagrant with our sexual health by nixing condoms from our regimens. We’ve come a long way since *modesty doors.* How can we do the condom legacy justice?
How to have great phone sex.
Here’s our maudern guide to giving good aural.
Long-distance relationships can be tricky for many reasons, not least of which is that it can be difficult to keep the sexual spark alive. And while the thought of it might make you cringe, phone sex https://gifacefuck.com/ is an excellent way to keep those home fires burning.
What is phone sex, exactly? That’s up to your interpretation—but basically, it’s any kind of dirty talk over the phone. It may or may not involve the removal of clothes, intimate touching, taking and sending photos, the use of toys, costumes, etc. Really: To each their own. The best phone sex is phone sex that you and your partner equally enjoy, www.32acp.com and it can require a little bit of experimentation to determine what really gets you both off when you’re not even in the same room as each other.
That said, if you’ve never done the digital dirty before, you might be wondering where to start—so consider this a guide on how to have good phone sex, whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or not.
Amp up anticipation.
Especially when it’s not a regular thing, it can be awkward to bring up the topic of phone sex out of the blue. Instead, give your partner a little hint that it might be on the cards via a flirty text telling them you can’t wait to hear their voice tonight or that you’ve been thinking about them all day. Or, since it’s much easier to say something via text, you could even get straight to the point and tell them that’s what you’re planning—that way you both have all afternoon to think about it. You can even think of it like a date; it’s something to look forward to.
Don’t forget to set the mood.
Even though you can’t be with your partner physically, you can still set the mood to be a little more romantic. Dim the lights, ditch those sweatpants, put on something that makes you feel desirable (unless, of course, sweatpants actually do make you feel sexy), and light a candle for a little bit of ambiance.
You’ve got to get creative.
The more detailed and vivid you are with your descriptions, the more you’ll stimulate your partner’s—and your own—imagination. To make it easier, ask leading questions, like how they want you to touch them, where they want you to put your tongue, etc. Or start with a “confession” about something you’ve always wanted them to do to you and then describe it in detail.
Brush up on your grammar.
Oh, but grammar isn’t sexy, we hear you say? Well, phone sex is a whole lot better when you use active verbs to describe things—suck, twist, stroke, tickle, pull, thrust, lick, caress … you get the picture.
Expand your vocabulary.
Grammar is important; so, too, is vocabulary. If you’re not much of a talker in bed, you might want to brush up on R-rated lingo that you don’t feel silly saying. Think about how a word feels in your mouth (metaphorically, in this instance); what’s your preferred slang word for a penis? Vagina? Breasts? Chances are, their proper medical names won’t sound the most natural or sexy when you’re talking in bed.
Read aloud.
Reading can expand your horizons. And when it comes to phone sex, it can save the day when you’re not sure what exactly to say. If you have a long-distance lover, you might enjoy reading an erotic novel together over the phone, but poems work great, too. If you’re a history buff, start here , or if you want something a bit more romance, find more about erotica writing here . Bonus: As you read, you’ll get a better sense of sexy grammar and vocab—so if, and when, you do decide to try out some dirty talk yourself, you’ll be well more equipped to let the words flow.
Let the fantasies fly.
Since you won’t need to worry about the actual physical logistics, phone sex is the perfect opportunity to indulge your wildest fantasies . So say, for elearn.skywalkdrobotics.com example, you’ve always wanted to get it on in a restaurant booth, or up against the library stacks—things that, you know, could get you arrested for public indecency. Phone sex gives you the chance to go wild with that fantasy without fear of getting a criminal record. Plus, when you’re describing a fantasy scenario, it gives you a little bit more to work with description-wise—so if you’re nervous that you might not have the creative streak to have great phone sex, working with an imaginary setting can be helpful. For instance, if you’re telling your partner how badly you want to take them to a fancy restaurant bathroom, you can set the scene: Would you lock the door? Would you set your partner against the sink? Or would you both squeeze into the stall? It doesn’t have to feel like you’re in Creative Writing 101, but working with a scene can help loosen you up.
Try roleplaying.
Not only does location not matter when you’re having phone sex, but you can also take the opportunity to take on a wholly different character with some roleplaying. Whether you’ve always dreamt of getting it on Game of Thrones–style , or you have a hankering for a sexy doctor/patient encounter, sometimes pretending to be someone else can actually make you feel less self-conscious. Roleplaying can also help keep things moving because you have a scenario to follow, rather than just trying to think of things to say off the top of your head. You could begin by setting the scene and describing your character’s personality before moving into the more sordid side of things.
Play it like a game of tennis.
Just as sex IRL should be a reciprocal thing, make sure you take it in turns to do the talking. And like you would in any good conversation, try to respond affirmatively to what your partner is saying. The occasional sigh, mmm-hmmm, moan, or heavy breathing will do—just remember that since they may not be able to see you, you’ll need to let them know what’s working.
When in doubt, just whisper.
Trust us, pretty much anything can sound sexy if you whisper it slowly and keep your voice low (try it now, saying “I’m going out to buy some milk and bread,” and you’ll see what we mean). Of course, you might want to practice it beforehand, so that you feel comfortable with it. Another trick to warm things up is to start by reading a passage from an erotica novel out loud—well, in a whisper—and then transitioning into your fantasies. Talking slowly can also be helpful, from a seduction point of view and on a practical level: It gives you a little more time to think about what exactly you want to say next.
Revisit the past.
Think back to a time when you and your partner had really hot sex—perhaps you joined the mile-high club , or went for a literal roll in the hay at that cute little farm stay in the Hudson Valley. Phone sex is a great opportunity to relive that experience and describe exactly what it was that made it so hot. You can also embellish a little to make it even sexier—after all, it’s your fantasy. Alternatively, you can look forward to the future: What are you going to do the moment you see your partner next? (Or, in a more fantasy version of real life, what would you do?)
Set your boundaries
Phone sex, as previously mentioned, is a great way to explore some of your wilder fantasies, like role-playing. But it’s important to establish what, exactly you’re comfortable with; just because you and your partner aren’t engaging in physical intimacy doesn’t mean that everything is on limits.
Of course, you might not know that you have a boundary until it’s been crossed—and https://cutelariahk.com.br your partner has no way of knowing that you don’t like something unless you tell them. If they use a name you don’t like or say something that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can redirect them clearly, without completely stopping them— Cosmopolitan calls it a ” detour .” You can do this by having a safe word, or by simply saying, “Let’s go back to when you…” Debriefing with your partner about what you liked and what you didn’t like is a good way to know that you’re on the same page for the future.
Have fun.
If you’re not used to talking dirty, phone sex can feel awkward and a little bit cheesy. So just roll with it and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourselves, but be careful not to make fun of your partner’s attempts at it in a way that might make them self-conscious. Remember: it might take a little practice for it to feel natural, but that doesn’t mean it has to be something that’s totally off the table.
Need some ideas for your foray into phone sex? Our beginner’s guide to talking dirty is a good place to start.
Sex & cinema: iconic on-screen firsts
From the earliest female orgasm to Hollywood’s initial, groundbreaking sex scene.
Sex on screen https://creampiesgif.com/ is hardly taboo in the era of Love Island and OnlyFans. We’re all but used to a little full-frontal nudity on our primetime television shows –– and not just in the post-marital “making love” sense. In the past two decades, we’ve entered a new age of cinema: We’re witnessing forms of straight, queer and interracial intimacy. We’re following trans protagonists as they embark on sexual, coming-of-age journeys of their own. We’re witnessing kink culture in new and exciting ways.
For careked.com every great step forward in the ways sex is depicted both on television and in film, feellavish.com though, there was a trailblazer –– some starry-eyed creative taking a chance on whether or not an American audience was ready to witness newly emboldened (and often utterly truthful) depictions of sex in this day and age. That’s why we scoured the internet in search of all of history’s most iconic on-screen firsts, from interracial intimacy to full-frontal nudity. Someone had to walk so Meg Ryan could run –– by which we mean, perform a full-scale female orgasm while seated at a diner in When Harry Met Sally .
First on-screen kiss:
The May Irwin Kiss, 1896
It should come as no surprise that the first cinematic kiss took place between a Victorian couple in this old-school film depiction of a Broadway stage play.
First *erotic film*:
Le Coucher De La Mariée, 1896
1986 was a hot and heavy year for the film industry. Following the medium’s first-ever on-screen kiss was the first formally documented erotic film, which centered on a newlywed couple enjoying their wedding night. Sure, there’s no dead on intercourse (we’re talking 19th century here), but we do see the bride undress behind a screen while her husband watches and it is, well, erotic.
First on-screen sex scene:
Ecstasy, 1933
While not exactly raunchy by modern standards, this early 20th-century film stars a young Hedy Lamar –– and it was certainly ahead of its forebears at the time of its release. Even better? It also depicts the first-ever on-screen female orgasm.
First on-screen male nudity:
I Am Curious (Yellow), 1967
This racy Swedish number was wildly influential in the U.S. specifically due to its sultry nature: Thrillingly enough, it’s generally acknowledged as the first example of full-frontal male nudity.
First on-screen female nudity:
Inspiration, 1915
This silent film stars Audrey Munson, who poses in the nude for an artist –– which is true to form is that, at the time, Munson worked professionally as a nude model who just so happened to be cast in the occasional Hollywood movie.
First on-screen trans nudity:
Transparent, 2017
This killer ABC drama stars trans actress, Alexandra Billings –– who plays a close friend and confidante to the show’s protagonist. She’s depicted fully in the nude early on in the show, while her boyfriend gives her a massage, making television history in the realm of openly celebrating trans bodies.
First televised interracial kiss:
Star Trek, 1968
We have Star Trek to thank for the first televised interracial kiss, which took place in an episode titled “Plato’s Stepchildren.” In the episode, Lieutenant Uhura and Captain Kirk are pressured to embrace by a team of aliens, and it aired just one year after the Supreme Court struck down states’ bans on interracial marriage.
First interracial movie kiss:
The Crimson Kimono, 1959
While a handful of interracial kisses made it to the big screen around this time, many depicted white actors, made up to look “ethnic”. That said, 1959’s The Crimson Kimono was the Hollywood production to feature an actual interracial kiss: between Japanese-American James Shigeta and Victoria Shaw.
First on-screen lesbian kiss:
L.A. Law, 1991
In a 1991 episode entitled “He’s A Crowd,” L.A. Law stars Michelle Green and Amanda Donahue share a kiss after a major elearning.ims-schulungen.de workplace success. While it did break new ground, plenty of folks reference the kiss as a stunt, being that neither character ends up as a lesbian (and said kiss occurred during sweeps week).
First on-screen gay kiss:
Dawsons Creek, 2000
In the season 3 finale of the oh so iconic Dawson’s Creek, we see queer history being made when Jack (Kerr Smith) makes the dramatic journey to Boston to declare his love for Ethan (Adam Kaufman) –– after which they share a stunning, romantic kiss for the first time on network television.
First interracial sex scene:
100 Rifles, 1969
This popular action flick starring Jim Brown and Raquel Welch features a steamy hotel sex scene –– just one year after television’s first interracial kiss.
First lesbian sex scene:
Personal Best, 1982
From director-screenwriter Robert Towne, this major, mainstream production centered around a young (hot) athlete (Mariel Hemingway) who falls in love with her teammate (Patrice Donnelly) –– and, well, the rest speaks for itself.
First televised lesbian sex scene
: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, 2003
This cult-favorite serial ran for seven seasons –– and in that final season, we witness none other than the first-ever lesbian sex scene in broadcast TV history, which takes place between characters Willow and Kennedy who have long maintained a heated romantic subplot.
First cinematic gay sex:
Another Country, 1984
Ultimately about an affair between two boys at a strict British boarding school, this ‘80s flick follows a young Rupert Everett and his dashing love interest, Cary Elwes. The sex itself is cut, throughout, with flashbacks and cinematic transitions, all of which render the scene….a bit evasive. But, in reality, this has long been the norm. In fact, it’s oft-cited that 2019’s Rocketman , the Elton John biopic, is the first-ever major Hollywood motion picture to display an authentic gay sex scene.
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