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There’s no ring rust on Michael Keaton despite 30-plus years since he last played Batman, but he’s the only reason to watch ‘The Flash’
Look, I get it.
“Spider-Man: No Way Home” not only showed Marvel and DC fans the kind of wet dream nerd mashups that are possible, but it actually delivered on the promise.
And then “Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness” came along and, depending on your opinion, either blew your mind or pissed all over your childhood with its unexpectedly brutal and deliciously dark sequence involving the Illuminati.
For the first time in a comic book film, not just beloved characters, but iconic ‘What If…’ characters, were laid to waste in the multiverse, and you felt the sting. These weren’t some random redshirt crew members. It didn’t matter that these weren’t our heroes, per se, or that they hailed from an alternate Earth. We still knew them.
Comic books have been doing crazy mashup and time travel and multiverse stories for decades. Comic book movies have only scratched the surface so far.
The Flash
2.5 out of 5 stars
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Which brings us to “The Flash.”
There’s been a whole lot written about “The Flash,” whether it’s about Ezra Miller and their legal issues or James Gunn proclaiming it to be one of the best comics superhero movies ever made or the bazillion cameos, Easter eggs, callbacks and shoutouts that literally push director’s Andy Muschietti’s overstuffed two-hour-24-minute flick to the brink of implosion.
I can tell you this, “The Flash” ain’t one of the best superhero movies ever made. No offense, James.
But it does include one of the best returns in all of superhero cinema history with Michael Keaton reprising his role as Batman more than 30 years after he last put on the cowl.
Keaton IS the reason to go see “The Flash.” He’s electric, delivering a nuanced performance that’s filled with genuine joy.
Since the trailers have already given away so freaking much, it’s safe to say that most people know going in that Barry Allen (Miller), aka The Flash, screws up royally when he tries to change time by manipulating the Speed Force, which is a big part of DC’s multiverse of alternate worlds. A lot of this is canon for the character, handed down and retold decade to decade.
The CW’s far superior “The Flash” television series with the equally superior Grant Gustin as Allen/Flash told this same story early on in its serialized run.
Here’s the rub on Ezra, whose acting style I have appreciated in other films. Up to this point, we’ve received bits and pieces of Flash’s backstory through brief and supporting appearances in “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice,” “Suicide Squad,” “Justice League” and “Peacemaker.”
With “The Flash,” Miller starts at 11, utilizing a flurry of kinetic energy and awkward exchanges, to try and make their Barry Allen memorable and distinct, which eventually proves exhausting because there’s not a lot of room to dial it back.
Once The Flash tinkers with the Speed Force, the movie introduces a second, younger 18-year-old Barry Allen (also Miller) from another timeline where their mother is still alive. Surprisingly, two Millers is more tolerable than one.
By this point, you can already tell that “The Flash” is doomed to fall victim to the same eye-orgy onslaught of CGI that has doomed the majority of DC Universe films.
But first, the film goes full meta.
Not only does it re-introduce General Zod (Michael Shannon), who was a middling threat in 2013’s “Man of Steel,” but it also re-introduces Keaton’s Bruce Wayne, now a bearded recluse, AND ushers in an entirely new version of Supergirl (Sasha Calle), another character from more than 30 years ago, who also had a far superior weekly series on The CW.
There are some minor attempts at character-building. A few laughs. A bunch of callbacks to Tim Burton’s “Batman” films. And then everybody fights. And fights. And fights. Characters die. The Flash reverses time. Characters die again. The Flash reverses time. Again. Characters die. Again.
There’s this weird intersection between nostalgia and torture porn that you didn’t know existed prior to “Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness,” which “The Flash” exploits for no good reason other than it can.
And they literally pull the kitchen sink and more into the Speed Force for a dizzying blur of deep fake digital renderings that seem designed to simply show how clever “The Flash” thinks it is, but I gotta tell you, it doesn’t do anything other than overwhelm your senses and inflame your sensibilities.
I could spoil this moment. I want to spoil it. But I won’t. I will tell you that there are two CGI cameos specifically that made me laugh aloud in the theater and shout, “Shut the fuck up,” and not in a good way.
Here’s what I told the screening representative once “The Flash” ended, and I hated the ending, to be honest, because it didn’t accomplish anything, not one damn thing, that hasn’t already been done before and better.
I don’t know what the point was.
And that’s a problem.
Why does “The Flash” exist if it’s only to show us things that aren’t real, that have no real consequence on the greater universe at large?
With “Spider-Man: No Way Home,” and the second “Doctor Strange,” at least there was a point for mashing together different iterations of heroes we love, there was a lesson to be learned or a cataclysmic event to be stopped, but that’s not the case here.
“The Flash” fails when it comes to telling a good story.
It’s a collection of set pieces searching for a through line. As such, it just runs around and around for 144 minutes to try and distract you from the fact that it has nothing to say.
Boy howdy, I cannot wait for the Gunn-Safran era to officially start. Hopefully then, the DC Universe will finally take flight.
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